Media's a Bitch.

So it was just another day at the local radio station, doing my usual research development and a few odd jobs before signing out.

I was feeling pretty good today for a change. It’s amazing how a waist belt can make you feel all the more glamorous, clinching in that waist and giving you that false sense of security in yourself…

 I was faced with a rude awakening, however, when a DJ came waltzing in with his friend. I could tell he had been working there for a while as he carried himself confidently. I think I always confuse confidence with arrogance due to my own lack of self-esteem but it was obvious to all, that he really saw himself as “the dogs.” It was fine at first, as he was talking to his co-workers and I was barely in his eye line… until I was about to leave.

“Is this another volunteer then?” I looked up and responded as confidently as I could, only to find that it didn’t matter. He was going to swallow me whole and spit me out with his next remark. “Well… at least she’s not as skinny and small as the last one.” I stood there, a little bewildered, a little shocked and extremely horrified. I think I was waiting for a “Just kidding” or “Only joking duck” or some sort of half-arsed apology, but I got nothing. Instead I was faced with a man who was completely contented. He had not even thought about how I would take it and he didn’t even care. I smiled, which is what I do when I’m nervous, embarrassed and in this case gobsmacked. I could feel my cheeks burning and becoming a deeper shade of red as I continued to stand there, gormless. To make matters worse, he had decided to broadcast his ugly comment to the whole team, making me feel humiliated and crushed. It had taken him a mere five seconds to completely ruin any remaining source of happiness I had left in myself.  

His friend responded ‘Ha, I don’t think she knows how to take that.’ And the truth is; I didn’t. I didn’t know whether I should’ve told him exactly what I thought and literally hit him where it hurt, but I did neither.

What also annoyed me was my inability to respond. Why didn’t I have the balls to say something back? In fairness I didn’t want to say something that would jeopardise my position here but even if I could, I wouldn’t. Instead of me retaliating, I just stood there; blushed incredibly, left quickly, cried hysterically (I must note that this was not in front of him. At least I had some composure), and now starting to think of diet plans. Crazy isn’t it? One stupid comment from someone and it can instantly turn your life upside down and leave you momentarily destroyed.

I’ve got my first opportunity to be a runner tomorrow for the stations first ever live broadcast and instead of craving that extra experience, I am now more than willing to hand it over to someone else. The truth is, I can deal with criticism when it is involves my creativity as I believe we are always improving and an outsider’s opinion is a vital part of developing in this field. But when someone goes out to personally attack you, It’s always that little bit harder to come back fighting.      

Tomorrow will be a test; a test to see if I can take that pig-headed criticism and turn it into something positive. The more I feel like this, the more I think, he’s old, and you’re young and you have your whole life ahead of you. This is only the beginning for you.

As hard as criticism is to take, the world of Media is a bitch: It’s full of them and it is a “bitch” to get into. But the funny thing is, it makes it all the more exciting. 

Tissues at the ready and here I go…