"You're the one that I want!"

Those six magic words…

 It’s what every aspiring music journalist wants to hear after emailing, ringing or writing to music websites or magazines when asking to be a part of their team.

Granted, only a few get back to you, but it only takes one…

Angus & Julia Stone - You're The One That I Want (Cover)

When I graduated University, I realised that I didn’t have enough experience, but it was only an e-mail away if I really wanted it. And I do, so that’s what I’ve been doing for the last few hours.

Selling yourself via e-mail is surprisingly easier than you’d think. It’s that old and trusty “cyber confidence” which creeps back in, what we all used to have back in the “MSN” days. You can sound impressive even when sitting in your jammies… BRILLIANT!

I spent the whole day biggin’ myself up, to the point where I felt nauseous and had to stop. I was reminded of my younger (much geekier) self; the one who would always have her hand up in class thinking ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’ ‘Cos in actual fact, it’s the same sort of thing. You want to be picked from the millions of emails and phone calls. But after a while, it gets tiring so I decided to take a break…

The most demoralizing part of this whole process is the gut wrenching wait for the replies which might not ever come. It’s easy to say ‘Oh, don’t take it personally,’ but it’s certainly not easy to not take it to heart. Well, especially if you’re like me and wear your heart on your sleeve.

To stop myself from being in this slum, I have decided to take an alternative route… I shall become a pest. The pest who companies can’t avoid any longer as their inbox will be filled with all my ‘PICK ME’, ‘PICK ME’s. It’s not something I’d normally do if it involved me going up to their doors in person, but as it involves a bit of cyber confidence, I might be persuaded.

But, does that really work though? Or does it make you appear crazy and unable to take rejection? Once a week wouldn’t hurt…. Right? It surely just shows your enthusiasm… Hmmm, clearly I’m undecided myself.

I’ll give it a few days, No… I’ll give ‘em a week, ‘cos if you don’t pester, then it looks like you weren’t that bothered anyway, doesn’t it?

It appears I’m in a Catch-22 situation. Oh, boy… 

'The Best Things in Life are Free.'

Well, that’s what Janet Jackson says, but after being unemployed for nearly a month, hearing from none of the potential employers, I’ve got to say, I’m now a non-believer of this statement.

I’ve recently decided to take half a year/year out of searching for internships in music journalism as I’m still not entirely sure what the best angle is to get myself securely on that career ladder.  I realised I wasn’t ready and my CV was rather amateur when my Uncle came to stay and asked me what seemed to be a simple question: ‘So, what are your favourite music journalists then?’ I admit, I was embarrassed at my inability to answer sufficiently, or at all for that matter. Instead, I just stared blankly at him and came out with a mediocre response of ‘I just read the stuff, I don’t really know who they are.’ So… what if I had stepped into an interview and was asked that question? It’s pretty obvious I’m not the best “blagger” in the world, so I would have fallen flat on my face. Excellent work Charlie. Good job.

Thankfully, I have saved myself this future embarrassment and have chosen to expand my portfolio and email various music websites to see if I can write for them, whilst working in a less desired job to save for a move to the city where it all happens, London.  

But, what I really want to ask is: How many articles, must the aspiring journalists write for free before it starts getting de-motivating? We all want rewards (preferably money) when we succeed or produce a good piece of work. My reward this year was a degree. Can’t say fairer than that, but now what? I’ve got to slog it out for a year doing more and more unpaid work?

I know I sound like I’m whining… I guess I am, but can you blame me?

I’m more than willing to get myself out there to websites and write for them and others in order to increase my knowledge and ability, so I’ll just have to suck it up and hope that this will allow me to eventually be successful in my “dream job.” But I can’t say that I’m going to be doing it with a smile on my face throughout, ha…

I think confidence is something I need to work on as well before I really step into the real world. Those who get the paid jobs, carry that self-belief which is vital in success. If you ask yourself ‘Am I great at what I do?’ and more importantly, ‘Am I great?’ and are unable to answer positively, then there lies the problem… It’s all about trying to stand out from the crowd, but when you’re one in amongst millions of power grabbing graduates, it isn’t easy.

Maybe this blog just sounds like I’m making excuses, prolonging the inevitable, complaining about minor things which are only going to go in my favour in the end. That might be the case… But for now, I will listen to The Martinis and carry these lyrics around with me, in the hope to turn this negative mind set around…

            Talk to y’all later.

Ps. Here’s hoping that I even get a few opportunities in unpaid work… Let’s hope this blog doesn’t tempt fate…

See You at the Crossroads…

I graduated on Thursday and I’ve got to say, I don’t think I have ever been so scared in my life. I turned 21 the previous week and it was suddenly becoming more apparent that my childhood was waning and adulthood was waiting there to grab me by my metaphoric balls and throw me into a world of uncertainty. To be completely honest, I don’t think I’m ready… But then again, will I ever be? Is this just my old pal fear creeping up again, ready to stunt my aspirations? 

When I handed in my last assignment at University, I remembered receiving an array of ‘Congratulations’ messages and one in particular stuck in my mind. It was from my brother. It read: ‘Congrats Chix. So, when you getting a job then?’ My heart dropped. Job? Oh right yeah, that really important thing I need to get now I’ve left the bubble wrapped life of University for good. I was just planning on getting drunk for the next week to be honest… I realised, however, these questions were going to haunt me for the next few months and it seemed I may as well have recited a pre-made script as my only answers were ‘Not sure really,’ or ‘I just need money for now, so will work where I can and do writing on the side for free.’ ‘Writing on the side’ was my favourite response and then it hit me… Music journalism wasn’t going to be a realistic career choice for a long while.

I’ve sat, on numerous occasions, reading my printed article in ‘Lick’ magazine, feeling so proud of myself but now I’m in stalemate. I’m reliving my recent successes but I‘ve not allowed myself to have anymore.

The truth is, for the first time in my life, I’m at a crossroads. The road to University has been closed and I’ve now reached the next chapter of my life. My inability to use my initiative has cost me a variety of internships to various magazines, so I’m unable to be handed experience straight after graduating; which admittedly, I was expecting. I’m sure I’m not the only graduate who expects great job prospects in the exact field you want straight after full-time education, just because you have ‘BA Hons’ at the end of your name. In today’s world, it’s not necessarily the qualifications you earn, it is the experience. How, I wonder can graduates, like myself, be experienced, if companies are not willing to dish out any?

A song ‘Youth’ by Daughter struck me as quite appropriate to how I am feeling at the moment – at the brink off adulthood but still considering myself as a part of the ‘Wild youth.’

She says. “We are the reckless, we are the wild youth,” and she is correct. I feel reckless in terms of having no real direction in life at the moment and not sure when I’ll ever have something stable, like three years of University again…

A pre-recorded message from Michael Parkinson at my graduation brought an emotional wave over me as he declared: ‘You are at the threshold of life. Make the most of it.’ I found myself in that split second, teary eyed and riddled with self belief. So, here’s to the next 21 years.

The Only Thing to Fear is... SUCCESS.

It sounds silly, but I’m pretty sure we’ve all been in the predicament where fear stops you from doing something you have always wanted to do. Well, I hope I’m not on my own at least. I realised I was doing this exact thing when I was given an opportunity to volunteer at a local radio station. Literally down the road, two minutes away, yet I spent up to three weeks trying to pluck up the courage to actually fill out the form and hand it in. When I did, I experienced the denial phase… the phase where your head tells you that you’re never going to get in and for a moment it sort of relieves you. 

Hypocritical? Well yes, but it’s how I feel when I know I’m doing something which could eventually help me in the future. 

Self-destruction is my number one asset. Yaaay me! 

I started recently and it has probably been one of the best decisions of my life. I’d say even if you get an unpaid opportunity, it’s worth doing, ‘cos future employers are only wanting to see one thing on that shiny, Curriculum Vitae: experience. I mentioned I was really involved in writing, I guess it was pretty obvious from the BA Honours degree (which I am still reluctantly waiting to receive) but nonetheless, radio is what I’ve always dreamed of being a part of.

I remember it perfectly. In my family I have two older siblings and generally there would be a few items like a guitar, sometimes clothes or a tape recorder that would get passed down to me. None of us played the guitar, well not properly anyway. I thought it would be great to record myself plucking away at a 4 string, fantastically out-of-tune guitar and thought I was going to make it one day. Turns out the guitar took a back seat as I realised ‘Wow, I can record myself… Right that’s it. I’m going to create a radio show.’ Okay, so I was about 8 and the “charts” consisted of all the cassettes and CDs I had at the time. My era was the 90’s so you can expect an unnecessary amount of Hear’say, Steps and S Club 7 creeping in on my supposedly ‘up to date chart show.’ This is where I experienced radio properly for the first time. I’d record the songs on the UK top 40 on a Sunday afternoon and create my own version just afterwards… only for myself to enjoy, obviously. 

I had so much balls back then.  I could happily hear myself back, get my family to have a listen and get them involved… Now? I daren’t let anyone hear as I die of embarrassment. I don’t get it. You’re supposed to get more confident the older you get. This is something I’m clearly not getting the hang of. 

So anyway, my first day at the radio station consisted of research development: finding three pieces of celeb gossip and three pieces of odd or strange news. I was in my element. It’s easy to hide behind a computer and keep quiet while you hear the team confidently speaking to people on or off air. Then she asked me… ‘Do you want to read out what you’ve got in the studio? Just to see if it flows properly?’ My heart dropped. ‘Err? Okay.’ She could see my anxiety and reassured me that it wouldn’t be live; it’s just a little exercise. It wasn’t that I was worried about… It was hearing my voice back.

After a few trial reads I played it back and died a little… I guess it was silly of me to not expect having to do something like that but it shocked me all the same. 

So there you have it, got my foot in the door to somewhere, I can already see is going to challenge me. Even the small things. I plan to enter, a shy, 20 year old girl and come out as a confident, fearless woman. 

I have to believe in myself before I can achieve anything and this is something I’m yet to accomplish.  Wish me luck!

X