The Only Thing to Fear is... SUCCESS.

It sounds silly, but I’m pretty sure we’ve all been in the predicament where fear stops you from doing something you have always wanted to do. Well, I hope I’m not on my own at least. I realised I was doing this exact thing when I was given an opportunity to volunteer at a local radio station. Literally down the road, two minutes away, yet I spent up to three weeks trying to pluck up the courage to actually fill out the form and hand it in. When I did, I experienced the denial phase… the phase where your head tells you that you’re never going to get in and for a moment it sort of relieves you. 

Hypocritical? Well yes, but it’s how I feel when I know I’m doing something which could eventually help me in the future. 

Self-destruction is my number one asset. Yaaay me! 

I started recently and it has probably been one of the best decisions of my life. I’d say even if you get an unpaid opportunity, it’s worth doing, ‘cos future employers are only wanting to see one thing on that shiny, Curriculum Vitae: experience. I mentioned I was really involved in writing, I guess it was pretty obvious from the BA Honours degree (which I am still reluctantly waiting to receive) but nonetheless, radio is what I’ve always dreamed of being a part of.

I remember it perfectly. In my family I have two older siblings and generally there would be a few items like a guitar, sometimes clothes or a tape recorder that would get passed down to me. None of us played the guitar, well not properly anyway. I thought it would be great to record myself plucking away at a 4 string, fantastically out-of-tune guitar and thought I was going to make it one day. Turns out the guitar took a back seat as I realised ‘Wow, I can record myself… Right that’s it. I’m going to create a radio show.’ Okay, so I was about 8 and the “charts” consisted of all the cassettes and CDs I had at the time. My era was the 90’s so you can expect an unnecessary amount of Hear’say, Steps and S Club 7 creeping in on my supposedly ‘up to date chart show.’ This is where I experienced radio properly for the first time. I’d record the songs on the UK top 40 on a Sunday afternoon and create my own version just afterwards… only for myself to enjoy, obviously. 

I had so much balls back then.  I could happily hear myself back, get my family to have a listen and get them involved… Now? I daren’t let anyone hear as I die of embarrassment. I don’t get it. You’re supposed to get more confident the older you get. This is something I’m clearly not getting the hang of. 

So anyway, my first day at the radio station consisted of research development: finding three pieces of celeb gossip and three pieces of odd or strange news. I was in my element. It’s easy to hide behind a computer and keep quiet while you hear the team confidently speaking to people on or off air. Then she asked me… ‘Do you want to read out what you’ve got in the studio? Just to see if it flows properly?’ My heart dropped. ‘Err? Okay.’ She could see my anxiety and reassured me that it wouldn’t be live; it’s just a little exercise. It wasn’t that I was worried about… It was hearing my voice back.

After a few trial reads I played it back and died a little… I guess it was silly of me to not expect having to do something like that but it shocked me all the same. 

So there you have it, got my foot in the door to somewhere, I can already see is going to challenge me. Even the small things. I plan to enter, a shy, 20 year old girl and come out as a confident, fearless woman. 

I have to believe in myself before I can achieve anything and this is something I’m yet to accomplish.  Wish me luck!

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