See You at the Crossroads…

I graduated on Thursday and I’ve got to say, I don’t think I have ever been so scared in my life. I turned 21 the previous week and it was suddenly becoming more apparent that my childhood was waning and adulthood was waiting there to grab me by my metaphoric balls and throw me into a world of uncertainty. To be completely honest, I don’t think I’m ready… But then again, will I ever be? Is this just my old pal fear creeping up again, ready to stunt my aspirations? 

When I handed in my last assignment at University, I remembered receiving an array of ‘Congratulations’ messages and one in particular stuck in my mind. It was from my brother. It read: ‘Congrats Chix. So, when you getting a job then?’ My heart dropped. Job? Oh right yeah, that really important thing I need to get now I’ve left the bubble wrapped life of University for good. I was just planning on getting drunk for the next week to be honest… I realised, however, these questions were going to haunt me for the next few months and it seemed I may as well have recited a pre-made script as my only answers were ‘Not sure really,’ or ‘I just need money for now, so will work where I can and do writing on the side for free.’ ‘Writing on the side’ was my favourite response and then it hit me… Music journalism wasn’t going to be a realistic career choice for a long while.

I’ve sat, on numerous occasions, reading my printed article in ‘Lick’ magazine, feeling so proud of myself but now I’m in stalemate. I’m reliving my recent successes but I‘ve not allowed myself to have anymore.

The truth is, for the first time in my life, I’m at a crossroads. The road to University has been closed and I’ve now reached the next chapter of my life. My inability to use my initiative has cost me a variety of internships to various magazines, so I’m unable to be handed experience straight after graduating; which admittedly, I was expecting. I’m sure I’m not the only graduate who expects great job prospects in the exact field you want straight after full-time education, just because you have ‘BA Hons’ at the end of your name. In today’s world, it’s not necessarily the qualifications you earn, it is the experience. How, I wonder can graduates, like myself, be experienced, if companies are not willing to dish out any?

A song ‘Youth’ by Daughter struck me as quite appropriate to how I am feeling at the moment – at the brink off adulthood but still considering myself as a part of the ‘Wild youth.’

She says. “We are the reckless, we are the wild youth,” and she is correct. I feel reckless in terms of having no real direction in life at the moment and not sure when I’ll ever have something stable, like three years of University again…

A pre-recorded message from Michael Parkinson at my graduation brought an emotional wave over me as he declared: ‘You are at the threshold of life. Make the most of it.’ I found myself in that split second, teary eyed and riddled with self belief. So, here’s to the next 21 years.